Pancakes with Peanut Butter, Eaten Alone
by M. D. Jensen
Summary: It's not breakfast without Trip. PostTATV Malcolm angstfic.


Disclaimer: I do not own Enterprise.

Summary: Breakfast used to be Malcolm's favorite part of the day. Now, it's when he misses his friend the most.

_Pancakes with Peanut Butter, Eaten Alone_

Breakfast used to be Malcolm Reed's favorite part of the day. He'd always gotten up early and eaten as the sun was rising, seemingly canceling out the previous days sins with its light. Even if that day turned out to be as miserable as the last, at breakfasttime there was always a glimmer of hope that today it could be better.

But not now. Now Malcolm sits in the _Enterprise_ mess hall with Hoshi, Travis and Phlox, and he can't help thinking there's an empty seat there, figuratively speaking of course. The ship itself is in spacedock, waiting for her crew to beam down to Earth so that she can be relegated to a dusty antique museum somewhere on the moon. Before that, though, breakfast. Always breakfast first.

Everyone's eating sparingly, more for the purpose of distracting themselves than actually being hungry. Everyone but Malcolm, who stares at his pancakes with peanut butter and pineapples on the side, and feels like picking up the plate and hurling it across the room.

Trip took him down to Florida once, about three years ago on shore leave. They'd both only been there once before, post-Xindi. Trip had felt it was time to face his demons, and Malcolm had tagged along for emotional support (as if he could really be any help at all).

The southern half of the state was all gone, everything below Orlando, but they had managed to find a still-operating hotel and spend two days there, with the palm trees. Trip had explained how much better it would have been for Malcolm to have seen it 'back when'. Malcolm only nodded and said he understood.

They'd had breakfast in the hotel restaurant, looking out the huge glass windows as the sun climbed in the sky and lit the plants and the shuttles and the funny little lizard that crawled up the sides of buildings. Trip had teased Malcolm for spreading peanut butter on his pancakes, and then Malcolm had teased Trip for being the only Floridian alive who didn't like orange juice with breakfast. Then, Malcolm's heart had broken as Trip explained that Lizzie had loved orange juice and that he just couldn't drink it anymore. He's almost cried, but caught himself, and as he watched the parade of emotion, Malcolm marveled about facing your ghosts in the strangest of places.

As orange juice had been to Trip, now all of breakfast is to Malcolm. It takes him back to Florida, to the comforting heat, the afternoon rain and Trip, sitting across from him at the table, telling jokes. Looking down at his plate makes him want to throw up, or cry, or both, so he pushes it away, gets up, and leaves.

He wanders down the corridors, watching the workers examine consoles and the crewman leave by the droves, luggage in hand. He remembers, quite randomly, going through baggage claim with Trip, listening to him talk about how beautiful Florida still was, after it all. He remembers being caught in a warn rainstorm on the way out of the airport, and standing, laughing, under a canopy while Trip strolled around, getting absolutely soaked.

Florida had a certain quality to it then. The only people who had stayed were those looking to face what had happened, giving the entire area a sort of fierce determination and hope. It had been beautiful, Malcolm realizes, probably the most beautiful place he'd ever been in his life.

He can never go back there again.

Malcolm returns to the mess hall to find Hoshi. Since he's not going to England, and he's certainly not going to Florida, he had agreed a few days ago to go to Brazil with her while on short leave. He'd mentioned in passing that he'd never been to South America, and she had promised to change that.

As they leave for the transporter together, though, Malcolm braces himself for the site of palm trees and the feeling of warm rain. He hopes it won't be too much like Florida. He hopes she won't ask him to have breakfast with her, because he couldn't stand that. It's not breakfast without him there. Hell, it's barely life without Trip.


End file.
